Archive for January, 2009

When the church door closes…

I have not been a Christ follower for very long about 8 years now. But I have been wounded by the very people I thought were suppose to be there for you. In the good times and the bad, but no…some are only there because that is where there friends are or the person they grew up with in church. So when the worst thing that could happen does, the church door closes and you are left to pick up the pieces you are left to do it, at least 80% of it, on your own.

Why that is well there are many reasons I am told…some are to wounded to help, I can understand that, but I cannot understand the same wounded people not wanting to talk to you. Others have already moved on to next “shining” object…I know we’ve all done that but some do not shut out of step on others to do that. I know there are so many more reasons, but aren’t they just reasons?

Now I am not perfect in no way shape or form, but I also put forth the effort to make me a better person. I went to talk to someone; I joined a devotions bible study. I wrote in a journal I prayed everyday…just what I was supposed to be doing and what I had talked to God about. I wanted to be a better person; I wanted to have true friends’ not just Sunday morning friends. But it was always brought up that if things were strained it was because I was not friendly enough, I didn’t know how to be angry the correct way, and I was at fault. So I tried harder, I prayed harder, I read more books on how to be a better person…to no avail.

When it came time for the church doors to close, I and my family was left alone. We had one or two friends stay in touch with us, but most of that was for the kids, which is just fine with me. All the other people who helped open the church doors and to close them just vanished.

So, after all was said and done, we, my family and I, have had a hard time finding another church family. I hope I don’t have to say why? Trust is a big issue and when have had your trust tossed out like a piece of trash you tend to not let too many people into your life. Yeah that is a double edge sword I know…I want friends but I am scared to let my heart get hurt again or let my family get hurt again.

With all that being said, if the church door is being closed and you feel like you have been pushed to the curb, please know that you are not alone. Please know that I will be your friend. Please know that I understand the pain you are going through and it will take time to heal, a long time. I will go through it with you, so you won’t have to face it alone like I did.


Hello world!

My name is Carol and I like to think out loud.  Which gets me in trouble..alot.  I am married, have 2 great kids and 2 great dogs.  Love helping the planet, animals and others who hear the voices in their head.  I have made more mistakes then I care to count, but I get back up and try again.  Sometimes it takes me longer to do this but I do.  I hope that you enjoy reading my blog I do it for me and to let my “voices” have a say.  Thank you.