Archive for November, 2012


Stop the World…

You don’t have to look very far to see that people are hurting. You don’t have to listen very hard to know that people are crying. But no one seems to notice, or want to.
Why is that? Cause people are so wrapped up in themselves to see others. Or they just don’t want to. We are suppose to be a “Christian” nation, all this nonsense from the right yelling at everyone to let the church help those in needs, let the private job creatures help those…it is not the government’s responsibility to do that. Yet where do we stand today? We stand here having no one helping anyone.
The left is too scared to stand up to the right…the right is to stuck up to care about anything, let alone, anyone. “My money is too important to help!” or more like it… “I am too important to get my hands dirty.” So the needy fall through the cracks.
Oh you have a few churches that have causes they help. But the trend right now is for all the churches to support all the same causes…just in different names. There is nothing wrong with that, but to limit what you do as a church just seems a bit well cowardly. Now I know that churches can’t help every cause, but they should at least try and support different causes helping different organizations.
It just pisses me off that there is so much out there that no one seems to care about. That is why I would like to let you know that I am going to make helping people who are depressed and have tried to hurt themselves my project…my one of many. I am in that boat that I can understand what it is like to scream and no one hear you, to be in a crowded room and be invisible, to sit at home with a bottle of booze and a bottle of pills just trying to talk yourself out of doing it.
I cut my arms…there I have said it. I don’t like doing it, but when I am so stressed and in my “voices” zone the only way I can handle it is to do that. I don’t do it as often now as I did when I was growing up, but I do go back there and do it sometimes. I don’t want that to be my life…it won’t be easy to stop, but I want to try. I feel like if I reach out to others who are in need of help or just want to talk then I can help them, just as much as they can help me. I am tired of being in a crowded room and feeling like I don’t belong. I want to feel like I own the place…I want to show everyone, from the right to the left, from God to the Devil that you cannot break us. We will not take it lying down anymore. We are more than the downcast looks that people give us.
We are just as important as the big banks, as the people on Wall ST. We are just as important as the next guy. We don’t want a hand out…we want an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a hug to say “I am here for you.” We just want a friend to call our own. If you don’t like that then…
Stop the World…and get the HELL off!!!!

Don’t Speak The Truth…

Wow just learned a real good lesson and it only cost me what was left of my soul. I am so fucking tired of being treated like I am an idiot. So I have decided not to say anything except here. I can vent here and get it out. Or maybe just start cutting myself again. That always makes me feel better. I get a small rush and the pain goes away. For a while.
I know what you’re going to say, “That will not help you at all” and I know that…but for the moment it makes me feel better and I need something to make me feel better. When one can’t even speak their mind on FaceBook than were can one go?
Now mind you I do not discourage having an open honest discussion and even a constructive argument. What I do not want to have is somebody telling me that I am totally misinformed and am just full of bullshit. I will not be little your stance or you yourself all that I ask is that you do the same for me. Facts are one thing…name calling and lies are not.
I may not have gone to college, but I do read and keep up with current events enough to know what the current facts are and what is going on in the world. If I wanted to be treated like a child then I would have never left home. At least there I knew that my “father” only said cruel things because he hated me…I don’t know why people say things like that now. If you hate me do talk to me, don’t friend me on FaceBook, to tweet me, don’t text me just “X” me out of your life with the kind or even unkind words that we should not be friends anymore.
I will respect your wishes and leave you alone. But for the love of all that is bright and sunny do not…I do mean DO NOT…treat me like I am a total idiot who should be proud that she can feed herself, let alone walk. You do nothing for yourself by treating others like they are beneath you or less than you.
So to close just remember those four words that the voices in my head keep reminding me to do…
Don’t Speak The Truth…

All That…

You know I have been blogging out the way I feel the last couple of blogs…which has been very very good. Hoping that I would almost be done with that, but alas no such luck at least not yet.
So if you would indulge me once again I would like to go on my weekly cleansing of my soul. This time is will be more spiritual then the last. I am just so tired of feeling like that I have to apologize for being a democrat. That I have to be sorry for believing that I am more than my gender and better than what others think of me. I do not need someone telling me that if I don’t read the bible on a daily basis that I am not in touch with God…they don’t know how I talk to God.
To me God is more than just someone up in heaven…He is all around. God to me is the trees, the grass, the leaves, my dogs, my kids laughing…God is all that to me and so much more. I don’t need to read a book to know that I am loved; I get that every day from all of the great creatures that He created. From my family, from my puppies, from the air that I breathe God is all around me.
But when I do wish to do something to give back to all that has been given to me all I am met with is condensation. I want to help and show others that God can be a great thing…but when you get told that what you do is not consider “spiritual” then why bother…when you say you can help they say…we will keep that in mind. You know what I don’t care anymore.
I will do what I can on my end to show the people I know and don’t know the kind of God that I see each and every day. The one who brought me my hubby, my kids and all the wonderful puppies, kitties and all the animals that I have had, to me that is God.
God is not something or someone to be put in a book or a box. God is the universe the stars, the clouds the air, the rain the snow the heat, He is all that and more. I know I shouldn’t be angry or upset about how it is in the church world. It just makes me sad that it has gone that way. The way of being and thinking only our way is the right way. I don’t even think they would know who Jesus was if He walked into a church today. He probably would be asked to leave. Not dressed the right way, hair to long, sorry no sandals here.
I would love to sit and talk to Jesus and just say thank you for the beautiful world you let me keep safe for you. If that makes people mad and that makes me a liberal outcast than I will be All That…and MORE!!!

Be True:

I am so tired of people telling me who to vote for, who to listen to who to worship etc. I have had it up to my eyeballs with so much arguing and yelling that my “soul” can no longer take it.
Who do you think you are to force your decision on me? I do not begrudge an honest discussion but do not like the fact that if I do not think your way then I am doomed to hell and will live forever in damnation. Well guess what jerk…that is exactly where I grew up so all I would be doing is going home.
It has taken me a very long time to find my voice, but now that I have I will not be silenced. I cannot. My son and daughter depend on me being able to stand up for myself. It has taken a long time for me to realize this, but now that I have I cannot turn back now. Nor will I!!!
Now for my time to speak up…I first will say that I do believe in God and Jesus, I also believe that God and Jesus would be so disappointed in the way mankind has so easy said that He believes in this and not that. Jesus walked with people that no one else would walk with. He ate with peoples that no one else would eat with, He talked to people that no one else would talk to. So how the hell would begin to know what Jesus would do today? You don’t and neither do I…so stop putting Him in your little square peg fits into a round hole puzzle. God is bigger than that. You and your church probably would not even let Jesus in your church. Why? Because He doesn’t fit the way your church looks, feels, worships, or even dresses. Jesus had long hair and wore what is akin to a dress today. He was either barefoot or wore sandals. He spoke up for the people who as you would call them today…”entitled” The poor, the weak, the homeless etc. He did not select who He would represent by what party He was affiliated to. Cause He was not affiliated to a party.
So let me say this so that you complete understand where I am coming from. You can have all the beliefs you would like to have. I however believe that Jesus and God would be hanging their head and crying because His children are not sending the message out that He had written down.
Matthew 25:40
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
So as for me…To Thine Own Self …
Be True!